Jessi+Mo.


 * Even the Ugly Parts**

I’d thrown a handful of rocks at my stepbrother’s two dogs, because they wouldn’t stop barking after I’d demanded that they shut their crud-licking mouths. I was trying to sneak back into my room, from the window, without being parental detection. As far as I knew, my stepmother and father were asleep; I wanted them to stay that way. I locked my window, after reaching the other side and flipped on the radio as I changed into my pajamas//. That song//, I thought, as I listened to the chanting of a woman whose career I’d been following for some months, then. The song was sort of haunting—not in a scary sense, but it stuck with me. I couldn’t get it out of my head. “I want you love and I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance,” Lady Gaga exclaimed on the radio that night. On that night I realized what true love really was. I’d always known that love wasn’t easy. I always believed that if it wasn’t like the movies then it was wrong. Call me foolish, but realistically love is exactly how it is portrayed on film. I don’t mean the movies with the happily-ever-after endings, the fairy tales, I mean dark cinema. I mean tales like Casablanca, Gone With the Wind, and Roman Holiday, in which true love meets a bitter end. Perhaps, that’s part of the reason why I hold hostility toward the idea of falling in love. I’ve never known love without consequence. Serena Van’der Woodesen loved Dan Humphrey, so much, that she constantly lied to him to save their relationship—only it for to abruptly end after the return of Georgina Sparks. Romeo loved Juliet, so much, that he was willing to kill himself for her. That’s what true love is. It’s being willing to honestly give your life for the person you’re with; or when you are willing to take another person’s life if they try and threaten your relationship. Or in some cases, killing a person that you love so much because you know that they’ll never be yours. Love is a tragedy. Love can be very dark. Love is like a rollercoaster. Love is from the heart. I know that not all love is bad. I know that it can sometimes be a very beautiful or inspiring thing. But what happens when the person you love rolls over, in bed one night, and says that they no longer love you anymore. What extremes would you be willing to go to? I’m afraid of loving a person so deeply that I’d do things I’ve never ever dreamt of doing. So, really, I’m scared of love. Well… I’m scared of true love. The ugly kind.